I did not want to admit that something had to give. I honestly wanted to prove that I could continue to operate at a successful level with all the changes occurring in my life. My family was my support system during this time; they prayed for me and spoke words of encouragement to me. Yet, I was not happy. I did not want to make these changes. I had just begun to see some growth in my brand. Now it appeared as if all was lost. I felt like a failure because I had not continued to provide the stellar performance my company had grown used to receiving from me.
My Heavenly Father would begin to offer me guidance and direction. He used my husband to encourage and strengthen me. At the same time, He was using a new acquaintance to equip me to empower myself. I have never spoken to or met Felecia Killings a day in my life at this point. I had never shared with her my burden. Honestly, I was so hurt and disappointed that I had not even shared it with my own parents. I had taken on a project to blog for LiyahAmore Publishing. The projects she began to give to me spoke to my heart and the issues I had been dealing with both on the job and at home.
As I wrote articles like “The Beauty of a Woman,” “The Strength of a Woman,” and “Pursuing Your Dreams,” and I knew it was Almighty God leading me to deal with my issues. He used the one tool, one of the primary gifts He had endowed me with to initiate my healing: my writing. “Fighting the Evil Within” was an article I wrote in which I ministered more to myself than anyone else. That article helped me to release some of the hurt and pain I suffered from losing my work-from-home days. It helped me to soothe over the wounded feelings I had from feeling as if some had lost faith in my work at the office.
Although I was writing these articles, my constant companion, “doubt,” was always hanging around, having her say. She wanted me to believe I had no authority to write these articles. Why should I write them when I was struggling with these very issues? Why should I write them when I was going through the storm and had not come out of victoriously? Why should I create something to minister to others when I was weak in those exact areas?
Then I had to recall what the Sovereign Lord says about me. I am a child of the Most High God (John 1:12). I have wisdom, righteousness, holiness, and redemption (1 Corinthians 1:30). I am free in Christ, no longer burdened by the yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). I am holy and without blame in His sight (Ephesians 1:4).
I began to understand that there was no better person to write these articles than myself. If for no other reason than to receive healing, I needed to write these articles. Yet, I also needed to share some of my words and hurt in the hopes of helping someone else find healing and inspiration. I was chosen to create these articles and have them posted for this specific blog because I am His creation, designed to produce works that are good and that bring Him glory (Ephesians 2:10).
The more I found myself writing these articles for LiyahAmore Publishing, the more I wanted to write to glorify our Father, to find internal healing, and to inspire other people. As I continued writing for LiyahAmore Publishing, the more I began questioning other projects I had taken on and thinking about my walk with Christ. I knew that some things would have to give because they were not leading me in the direction I knew I needed to grow my brand.
When I make a commitment, I refuse to back out, wanting to see a project through until the end. Yet, a phrase I heard a long time ago continued popping into my head: “If you find yourself in the middle of something and realize God isn’t in it, it’s okay to explain that, back out, and leave.” Basically, our purpose and destiny are in jeopardy whenever we choose to ignore the urgings of Holy Spirit or the voice of the Lord. Unfortunately, many of us do it daily and justify it.
When we are convicted about our spirit of error we operate in, we should turn from disobedience. I needed to confess my wrongdoing in ignoring His Word. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
(Feeling inspired? Continue reading more of Chelle’s story in the next article, “When the Passion and the Calling Conflict.”)
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